Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
