Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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