yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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