That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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