I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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