Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
