A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
