i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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