I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
