8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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