I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
