I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
