As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
