$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
