airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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