so explain again why im purple
no
stop calling my apartment porn island.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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