He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
