All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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