Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
