glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
