i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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