Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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