But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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