the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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