Pappa wants mamma naked
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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