When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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