You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
