is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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