new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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