so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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