Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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