Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
