We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
