How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
