Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
