my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
