everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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