his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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