i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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