a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
