i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
