I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
