If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
