do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
third nipple confirmed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
