3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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