Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
