"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
