I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
