I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
