We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
