so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
