The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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