so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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