Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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