Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm bleeding and have questions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
