I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
