I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
